I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
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