when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
