We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
