mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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