So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
