I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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