It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Randomize
