im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
