One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
