Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
