butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
