My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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