just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
My ass is underappreciated
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
