It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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