my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Randomize
