That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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