The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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