Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
