This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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