She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
