Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
