Don't you send me to vm
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
