WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
