How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Randomize
