making cat noises will not fix the situation.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
