You kept calling me your small dog last night.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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