i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Randomize
