He asked to "fluff my boner.."
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
