She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
