drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
