it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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