Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
