I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
