I heard we made out
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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