goodnight i made you a song goodbye
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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