So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Randomize
