and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
