2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
