it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Randomize
