quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
