I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
