You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
