the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
