seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
