I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
