Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Randomize
