he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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