5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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