Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
