I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
