dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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