i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
