Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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